In 2020, I read for the pilot of a show that would go on to win Emmy Awards and become a critical and commercial success on HBO. I didn’t book the role. Over the next two years, casting read me three more times for different roles ranging from recurring to guest stars.
While I didn’t end up being cast, these repeated auditions reaffirmed something about the process that I’ve always believed: the validation is in the fact that casting keeps calling you back to read for more roles. That tells me that they like my work.
The Self-Tape Transition
When the pandemic hit in 2020, self-taping became the norm in Los Angeles. Luckily, I was already familiar with self-taping, as I’ve been represented in Canada while living in L.A., which meant I often submitted self-taped auditions for Canadian projects.
Self-taping comes with its own challenges. While some actors feel the lack of feedback from casting is disheartening, I find validation in the fact that being called in again and again for the same show (for different roles) means my work resonated with them.
The Value of Being Seen
As Sanford Meisner famously said, “An ounce of behavior is worth a pound of words.” Their actions—continuously considering me for multiple roles—spoke volumes. I didn’t need verbal praise or detailed feedback. The fact that they kept bringing me back told me all I needed to know: they liked my work.
This wasn’t about validating me as a person. It was about the potential of hiring an actor like me. While I didn’t book any of the roles, I know my work stood out enough for them to consider me for four different characters.
Finding Joy in the Process
Self-taping is a process I actually enjoy. Each tape is like a small production where I’m in control. I read with pros, ensure the lighting and sound are just right, and carefully choose wardrobe and makeup to match the character. I approach every audition with the same production value and preparation as if I’ve already booked the role.
The Industry Shift
For me, the transition to self-tapes was manageable. Less than a year ago, I returned to a studio lot for my first in-person audition since the pandemic. The experience was thrilling—from being back on a studio lot, to signing in and waiting in the room, and delivering my scene live. And yes, I booked that role.
But self-taping still holds a special place in my process. It allows me to present my work on my own terms.
Gratitude Without Reservation
About a year ago, I attended a private event and saw the star of the HBO show I’d auditioned for so many times. A part of me wanted to walk up and say, “I’ve been auditioning for your show for two years! I love the material, and it’s been an honor to be considered.” But I didn’t. It wasn’t the time or place.
I’m genuinely happy for the show’s success. It’s rare to see a project reach such heights, and being considered so many times for so many different roles is something I’m proud of.
The Reality of the Journey
People often say, “The journey matters as much as the destination.” But let’s be honest: it’s not easy to embrace the journey when the destination feels so close. That’s where most people fall off—when the journey becomes too tough to endure.
For me, the act of auditioning is still something I cherish. Whether it’s a self-tape or an in-person session, every audition is an opportunity to work. I’m grateful for the process, even when the destination remains just out of reach.
