The Part I’m Almost Afraid to Admit
I don’t even know how to say this without jinxing myself, but here it is:
I actually like auditioning.
And sometimes I wonder if that’s why I’m still doing it.
Where I’m At — And Why It Feels Complicated
I mean, I have a solid reel. A body of work. I’ve been doing this a long time.
I know actors who are at the same level — or even earlier in their careers — who are over it.
They don’t want to audition for guest stars. They’ve been in the game long enough that they expect offers, or at least a meeting with the producer or director.
And I get that. I understand that point of view.
Why I Still Show Up
But I also remember when I wasn’t getting auditions. And back then, I made myself a promise:
Never take one for granted.
If I got a shot, I’d show up fully. No ego. No resentment. Just the work.
The Truth About Why I Still Get Excited
So when an audition comes in, I don’t roll my eyes. I lean in.
I still get excited — not because I’m desperate to book the job, but because I love acting.
Auditioning is acting.
It’s a chance to pick up new sides, create a character, and drop into a scene I’ve never done before. It keeps me sharp. It keeps me honest.
Then COVID Hit — And I Liked It Even More
And when everything shifted during COVID, something unexpected happened: I liked it even more.
We moved into the era of self-tapes — and suddenly, I had more control. I got to pick my reader (always an actor, when I can help it). I got to choose how the scene was framed, what take to submit, how to present the work. I wasn’t stuck with an office assistant behind the camera reading lines in a monotone voice.
It became a whole process — and I love the process.
It’s Not Just an Audition — It’s the Work
The prep.
The discovery.
The decisions — not just about hair and wardrobe and tone, but about her. Who is this woman? What’s her inner life? What’s at stake?
And how do I bring her to life with 24 hours’ notice and no rehearsal?
That kind of pressure lights me up. It’s a workout.
I Love In-Person Too — But I’m Not Waiting for Either
I had one in-person audition last year — I remember walking onto the Fox lot with butterflies. It had been years. And it felt amazing.
But I love self-tapes too. Both are valid. Both are acting. Both count.
Don’t get me wrong — I’ve had offers.
And yes, those calls are fantastic.
When the Work Circles Back
But I’ve also had times where I auditioned for something, didn’t book it, and then got offered a different role by the same team months — even years — later.
Because they remembered the work.
Why I Still Do It
So, no, I don’t hate auditioning.
I actually enjoy it.
And part of me wonders if that’s why I’m still in it.
Maybe loving it too much keeps me here.
Or maybe it just means I’m not bitter.
Not yet.
The Bottom Line
Either way — this is still the job.
And I still love the work.
